Billy Beane Buys a Sandwich

Below is a lovely snippet of my latest work over at TheSpitter.com, a David Ives-ian look at baseball's fascination with Moneyball:

Billy Beane Buys a Sandwich

A Play in One Act by Keith Good

(Lights up; the scene is frozen. A Baker stands in an apron and toq behind a “Sandwich” counter in the O-Co Coliseum. Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane is standing before the counter. Very serious. OPS Machine Scott Hatteberg and Pete the stats geek browse the soft pretzels. Pete is looking at Billy Beane. They stand in tableaux, a moment of stillness.)

PETE. Is that…Billy Beane?

HATTEBERG. I think so. (Hatteberg turns and looks)

BAKER. Can I help you sir?

BEANE. I need a loaf of bread, please.

BAKER. We usually sell sandwiches, Mr. Beane, but if you want…

PETE. It’s time now.

HATTEBERG. I should go. (But they don’t move. Billy turns and looks at Hatteberg. They look in silence at one another, frozen.)

BAKER. Do you know that man? (A bell rings. The lights change.)

BEANE. (Dreamily) He gets on base a lot. Do I care if it’s a walk or a hit? If ever they make a movie about how I assemble personnel—

BAKER. They did make a movie—

BEANE. Hatteberg would be emblematic of my frugal, analytic-driven baseball.

To the small slice of Venn Diagram between "Theater Geek" and "Baseball Analytics Nerd," READ THE REST AT THESPITTER.COM!

Baseball is Coming...

Handlebars 'n Pillboxes

Yesteday, the Cincinnati Reds unveiled the 2015 MLB All-Star Game logo:

Compared to Minnesota's 2014 blah-gasm¹, Cincinnati's logo is 100% uncut AWESOME. First off, it actually says "Cincinnati." Excepting those with expert knowledge of the Twin Cities' skyline, Minnesota's logo looked like a snapshot from Cloud City. Even better, Cincinnati hearkens back to it's heritage as MLB's first pro team with the inclusion of old-timey handlebar moustaches and pillbox caps.

This got me thinking²: What if every logo was as awesome as the Cincinnati All Star Game Logo? The answer, as shown below, is VERY.

Is anything as classy as pillbox caps and BMW? I
submit that there is not.

PBR seemed all too eager to don the Handlebar.
Damn hipsters.

If you were sexually confused looking at the naked mermaid
on your latte before, it's only going to get worse from here.

MORE MOUSTACHES, I SAY!

¹Seriously, what is that thing? An airplane? The visual manifestation of a Blatz-smelling yawn?

²A dangerous pastime, I know.

Baseball Simulator 2014

We've only just released the game and he's
already Puiging.

It's Finally Here! Baseball Simulator 2014 updates Culture Brain’s Baseball Simulator 1.000 with 18 current MLB teams:

• Boston • Detroit • Cleveland • Atlanta • San Francisco • Washington • Texas • Kansas City • New York (A) • Los Angeles (N) • Cincinnati • Pittsburgh • Tampa Bay • Oakland • Baltimore • Arizona • San Diego • St. Louis

6 additional teams can be introduced via the in-game “Edit” function. The game’s default “Edit” teams (pre-loaded via a .sav file included in the archive) are:

• Los Angeles (A) • Seattle • Toronto • New York (N) • Milwaukee • Colorado

Look at those, sweet,  pixelated logos.
LOOK AT THEM!

Teams were chosen for the BBSIM14 roster based on their 2013 record (sorry Cubbies and Marlins, no soup for you). Previous releases also contained data for the remaining MLB teams. This year, to maximize available batters, this data is omitted. However, logo data for all 30 clubs exists in the rom, so any super-enterprising Miami fan could theoretically add Christian Yelich and Co. into the game if they really wanted.

McCutcheon v. King Felix: Doesn't get
much better than that.

Projected rosters, stats and PITCHf/x data from rotochamp and fangraphs.com; current as of 2014-04-23. An improvement from BBSIM2013, this year's release uses Sabermetrics to better depict players' abilities. For example, instead of .SLG representing a player's raw power, this release uses ISO. wOBA is used to dictate how big of a "sweet spot" each batter gets. And for the pitchers, pitch speeds, as well as lateral and horizontal movement are pulled directly from PITCHf/x data.

Like Baseball Simulator 2013, all teams have Ultra points for special abilities. Only the most clutch players, though, get special hits/pitches.

Papi's stat line looks wicked pissah.

The archive linked below includes a number of goodies. First and foremost, you get the rom, son. "Baseball Simulator 2014.nes" is tested and compatible with any number of NES emulators. Also in the archive is "Baseball Simulator 2014.sav" Copy this .sav file into the sav folder of your emulator to pre-load 6 more MLB teams via the game's Edit function. Also in the archive is the complete stat sheet for every team in the game and the Hacking Bible, should anyone want to make personal tweaks. 

DOWNLOAD BASEBALL SIMULATOR 2014 - THE ONLY NES BASEBALL GAME THAT MATTERS - HERE 
(upaded 2014-04-29 to include corrected .sav file)

After you've crushed your competition, tweet out screenshots and scores using the hashtag #BBSIM14. And although the game has been tested, some things slip through the cracks. Tweet @keithisgood with any bugfix requests or statistical oddities. PLAY BALL!

The Moses Cleaveland Tee

I know you've been waiting with bated breath. At long wait, in time for the start of the (World Series-winnin?) 2014 Cleveland Baseball season, the Fightin' Moses T-Shirt! Big thanks to our partners in this venture, TeamCLE tees.

Purchase one (or twenty!) here: 

http://teamcle.storenvy.com/products/6519289-moses-cleaveland

No Wahoo Cleveland Baseball Uniforms

After re-working a Cleveland Baseball logo should Chief Wahoo ever go the way of the dodo, the next logical step would be a uniform employing said logo. Again, I've worked on this previously. This iteration keeps Cleveland's current Block C logo--boring as it may be--and incorporates various other elements drawn from Cleveland's city flag.

Moses, meet Wahoo. I don't want no trouble out of you two.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer recently published an incendiary op-ed begging the Cleveland Indians to retire Cheif Wahoo for good. Personal opinions notwithstanding, the piece got me thinking: who or what would replace Chief Wahoo should he get 86'ed? I've tackled this issue previously and came to the conlusion Moses Cleaveland, founder of his (extra a aside) eponymous city, should take the reins from the divisive chief. My first attempt ended in whelming results, looking more Bob Hope than famous General.

So, take two on the Fightin' Moses logo for Cleveland Baseball! For comparison's sake, here's a pic of the rather serious-looking Moses Cleaveland:

We call this dour expression the "Cleveland Sports fans come playoff time" face.

And of course most are familiar with Cleveland's smiling caricature of a mascot:

So combining the two, we get something like the following. Enjoy.

Hey Cleveland: Chief or General?

Wahoo, meet Moses. Moses, meet Wahoo. I don't want no trouble out of you two.

Additions to the Baseball Lexicon

Boston's victory in last Night's ALCS Game 2 exceeded the limits of English's descriptive capacities. Detroit's late-inning defensive implosion following Nate Scherzer's strong start requires the following words be added to the English lexicon:

Anaptonym - (n.) A name which seems horribly unfit to its owner. Antonym to "aptonym."
      example: Prince Fielder's name is an anaptonym; he's neither a prince nor a fielder.

Scherzerfreude - (n.) the sense of happiness engendered by the misfortune (see: "schadenfreude") of Detroit piddling away one of Nate Scherzer's starts with a late-inning collapse.

      example: When David Ortiz hit his grand slam in the 8th inning of ALCS Game 2, a euphoric wave of warmth beshook me, wracking me with a Scherzerfruede which nearly caused me to wet my pants in delight.

To read more about Anaptonyms and Scherzerfreude, surf on over to:

http://www.bugsandcranks.com/keithgood/baseball/neither-prince-nor-fielder-be/

Mister Clutch

With a nod to reddit user /u/mysterymanstan for the idea.

Puig's Plainview Pool Party

Last night we found out what really grinds Willie Bloomquist’s gears. Drafted in the 8th round out of college and then going unsigned? Fine. Bouncing between four baseball teams in three years? Okay. Relegated to utility roles, playing every position save pitcher and catcher? No problem. But swim in Bloomquist’s pool and Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk.

Following their NL West Division clinching victory over rival Arizona Diambondbacks, the Los Angeles Dodgers helped themselves to the pool beyond Chase Field’s centerfield wall. Arizona’s glorious H₂0 sullied Dodger Blue, Willy Bloomquist went beast mode on the media.

...READ THE REST AT BUGSANDCRANKS.COM

Cleveland Kombat

This strange photo can only mean one thing: another hardball masterpiece over at BugsAndCranks.com:

http://www.bugsandcranks.com/keithgood/baseball/cleveland-kombat/

The 33 Percent

The various metrics agree: Cleveland's shot at making the 2013 MLB playoffs hovers around 33 percent. With upcoming games in Atlanta and Detroit, that number is bound to fluctuate. As we stand, though, the odds of Cleveland’s October itinerary including anything other than rest and golf roughly equals the percentage of:

• Hold ‘Em hands which flush after flopping 4 of a suit.
• Americans who believe aliens exist.

Continue Reading at Bugs & Cranks.com...

Hell Begins at 10:05 PM

Q: What's worse than West Coast road trips?
A: Not much.
Surf on over to:
http://www.bugsandcranks.com/keithgood/baseball/hell-begins-at-1005/ for my airing of grievances against the Pacific Time Zone.

Three True Outcomes

 

 It's the Adam Dunn way.

No Wahoo Cleveland Baseball

Today we run a hypothetical branding guide for when Cleveland's MLB team eventually (yes, eventually) drops Chief Wahoo from its identity. This set was featured on the website uni-watch.com

Disco Stu is Optimistic!

Mike Trout: NES Demigod

Baseball Simulator 2013

After months of development, keithisgood Electronic Media is pleased to present the official release of Baseball Simulator 2013! This update to Culture Brain's 1989 NES classic--Baseball Simulator 1.000--allows a player to compete with any current MLB team. The base rom (link at the bottom of the page) gives players the choice from 18 MLB Teams:

Baseball Simulator 2013!

Official rom coming soon...