Handlebars 'n Pillboxes

Yesteday, the Cincinnati Reds unveiled the 2015 MLB All-Star Game logo:

Compared to Minnesota's 2014 blah-gasm¹, Cincinnati's logo is 100% uncut AWESOME. First off, it actually says "Cincinnati." Excepting those with expert knowledge of the Twin Cities' skyline, Minnesota's logo looked like a snapshot from Cloud City. Even better, Cincinnati hearkens back to it's heritage as MLB's first pro team with the inclusion of old-timey handlebar moustaches and pillbox caps.

This got me thinking²: What if every logo was as awesome as the Cincinnati All Star Game Logo? The answer, as shown below, is VERY.

Is anything as classy as pillbox caps and BMW? I
submit that there is not.

PBR seemed all too eager to don the Handlebar.
Damn hipsters.

If you were sexually confused looking at the naked mermaid
on your latte before, it's only going to get worse from here.

MORE MOUSTACHES, I SAY!

¹Seriously, what is that thing? An airplane? The visual manifestation of a Blatz-smelling yawn?

²A dangerous pastime, I know.

Tecmo Browns - Week 6

BROWNS HIT BOTTOM AGAINST CINCINNATI
9 TOTAL YARDS IN FIRST HALF DOOM CLEVELAND TO 0-6

14 Oct 2012
Cleveland, OH

The Cleveland Browns started hotter than hot. And perhaps showing signs of a city reeling from the Reds crushing playoff loss, Cincinnati started colder than cold. Coming off his four-game suspension, Joe Haden intercepted Andy Dalton's first pass, setting up a Phil Dawson field goal. D'Qwell Jackson and the defense dominated Cincinnati--keeping Dalton and Co. in negative yardage for the first quarter. The Browns, though, will be the Browns; poised to take their largest lead of the season, Mohammed Massaquoi fumbled on Cincinnati's 13, killing any momentum.

Tecmo Browns - Week 2 Recap

TSB 2013 Predicted: T.Richardson; 12 carries for 32 yards.

What Happened:      T.Richardson; 19 carries for 109 yards.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

TSB 2013 Predicted: B. Weeden; 55% Accuracy, 125 yds, 1 TD, 0 INT

What Happened:      B. Weeden; 70% Accuracy, 322 yds, 2 TD, 0 INT

TSB overestimated the Bengals D or underestimated the Browns 0.

TSB 2013 Final Score: Bengals 24 - Browns 7
Actual Final Score:   Bengals 34 - Browns 27
TSB got the end result right, but the process was off. The Browns Offense actually showed up against a lesser defense. Take away the penalties and the punt return and its maybe a W for the Brownies

TECMO SUPER BOWL 2013 PREDICTION ACCURACY SCORE: 51%

Comedian Awaits Humor of Swayze Jokes

Comedian Winton Jones
actually landed a paying gig.


Keith is Good! News!
18 September 2009
Cincinnati, OH

Winton Jones, the self-proclaimed "Second-Funniest Act in Cincinnati" ("I've got nothing on the Bengals - ZING!") can't wait until Patrick Swayze jokes become funny again. Known throughout the Queen City for his Carrot-Top-esque prop comedy, Jones laments the 'Dirty Dancing' star's battle with cancer and recent death.

"It's a tragedy," explains Jones, adjusting his bowtie for effect. "Swayze was my bread and butter!"

Jones extracts a blow-up doll from his "Case-O-Hilarity" (the words are stenciled on the side) and perform a pastiche he calls "Dirty Point Break Roadhouse Ghost Dancing." After what seem endless minutes of wild gesticulation and a rather off-key Keanu Reeves impersonation, Winton shouts, "Pain don't hurt! Six seconds we'll be meat waffles!" and "surfs" back to our table.

A cricket chirps somewhere outside.