Friday, September 18, 2009

Comedian Awaits Humor of Swayze Jokes

Comedian Winton Jones
actually landed a paying gig.

Keith is Good! News!
18 September 2009
Cincinnati, OH

Winton Jones, the self-proclaimed "Second-Funniest Act in Cincinnati" ("I've got nothing on the Bengals - ZING!") can't wait until Patrick Swayze jokes become funny again. Known throughout the Queen City for his Carrot-Top-esque prop comedy, Jones laments the 'Dirty Dancing' star's battle with cancer and recent death.

"It's a tragedy," explains Jones, adjusting his bowtie for effect. "Swayze was my bread and butter!"

Jones extracts a blow-up doll from his "Case-O-Hilarity" (the words are stenciled on the side) and perform a pastiche he calls "Dirty Point Break Roadhouse Ghost Dancing." After what seem endless minutes of wild gesticulation and a rather off-key Keanu Reeves impersonation, Winton shouts, "Pain don't hurt! Six seconds we'll be meat waffles!" and "surfs" back to our table.

A cricket chirps somewhere outside.

"You see? It's not funny anymore!" Winton produces a pair of lacy panties and pretends them a kerchief as he dabs his flop sweat. "I'm actually getting paid to open for [Aerosmith tribute band] 'Wings in the Attic' tonight, and now I've only got half an act!"

Exhausted, Jones turns his face skyward.

"Until Swayze is funny again, I don't know what to do. You think maybe I could make topical jokes instead?" He scratches his chin in thought.

"What about... 'Very exciting for Patrick Swayze; I hear he's starring in a new eternal production of "Ghost!" or... 'Nobody puts Baby in a casket.' "

Silence hangs thick in the room. Jones sighs.

"Too soon?"

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