The 2013 NFL (Uniform) Playoffs - Championship Round

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP

 AT

What is this, 2004? Indy and New England? Indy arrived here by being cleaner than Baltimore's dirty-bird attire and less annoying than Denver's kit. New England just barely escaped the black hole of awful which ate Cincinnati and Texas. This match up is traditional minimalism vs. sleek modernism. I love the simplicity of the Colts' uniforms, but leave with the feeling it needs that dash of je ne sais quoi. A splash of accent color, perhaps? In the end, Indy is just too plain for this match up. The Patriots flat-out look better.

The 2013 NFL (Uniform) Playoffs - Divisional Round

It would seem picking game winners based solely on uniform aesthetics is no dumber than any other prognostication method. Last week a supermassive black hole of uniform atrocity ate both Cincy and Houston. So excepting New-Cleveland triumphing over Old-Baltimore in the battle of dirty, no-good, team thieves, last week's predictions went 2-for-3 (and that ain't bad). That said, its on to...

AFC DIVISIONAL GAME # 1

 AT

Last week, Indy's uniforms reigned supreme over the dirty birds (Their team? Not so much). This week then finds Colt Blue facing Bronco Orange. When Denver introduced its new uni set in the 90's, its modern design represented a complete departure from the norm. The convening years, however, have seen a number of teams ape the Brocs with varying degrees of success (YAY!-Seattle; BOO!-Cincinnati). The once-revolutionary design now seems ho-hum. That and Denver's garish orange color are why I say Indy has the better uniform.

The 2013 NFL (Uniform) Playoffs - Wild Card Round

AFC WILD CARD # 1

 AT

Ugh. Cincinnati's set is the definition of 'costume-ish.' The clown getup seemed apropos when Ochocinco and TO patrolled the sidelines, but it now seems dated. Gradated white/orange/black leg stripes and garish shoulder yokes ice this craptacular cake. The Houston Texans' uniforms, on the other hand, look like a Chinese knock-off of the Patriots uniforms. They're boring to the nth degree, having all the flavor of cold gruel. No winner here, only losers.

Tecmo Browns - Week 7

BROWNS AND COLTS PLAY CHICKEN FOR 1ST DRAFT PICK
INDIANAPOLIS FAILS; ACCIDENTALLY WINS GAME.

21 Oct 2012
Indianapolis, IN

It seemed, with Cleveland and Indianapolis entering their Week 7 match-up a combined 8 losses, the real contest lay in who could lose and improve their chances in April's NFL Draft. In a bit of good news and bad news all rolled up into one, Cleveland's offensive ineptitude secured them another loss, increasing their standing for the 2013 NFL Draft.

Improbable Broncos Inspire "Tebow Rule"

If by "Tebowing," you mean
just barely beating crappy teams,
then yes, he is "Tebowing."

Denver, CO
23 November 2011

Love him or hate him, Tim Tebow is good business for the NFL. Despite abysmal numbers, he's amassed an unlikely 4-1 record as Denver's starting QB. His late-game wins have ignited talk radio and TV, driving ratings through the roof. Most of all, he's given us a barrel of lol's with viral 'kneel and pray' photos affectionately called, "Tebowing."

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, seeing the river of cash flowing from Tebow, has enacted what is being called the "Tebow Rule." Approved despite dissent among NFL owners, the Tebow Rule states henceforth, the Denver Broncos are only allowed to play crappy teams.

"He beats Miami and Kansas City and people go nuts," Goodell says, head shaking. "I don't pretend to understand it, but since Tebow's success generates revenue, we've tweaked Denver's schedule."

This means the Broncos' Nov 13th game against pitiful Minnesota has been moved to 1:00 PM to boost viewership. The following week, the NFL has removed rough-and-tumble Chicago from Denver's schedule and instead has them playing the 0-10 Colts. The same goes for the following week; instead of New England, Denver will again play the (we're assuming) 0-11 Colts.

Denver will then close their season with games against the University of Maryland, the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and, ironically, the Tecmo Bowl Denver Broncos.

"It should work well if everything goes to plan," Goodell says with a grin. "Although I still think Tecmo Denver's Pass 2 could give Denver some problems."