The 2013 NFL (Uniform) Playoffs - Divisional Round

It would seem picking game winners based solely on uniform aesthetics is no dumber than any other prognostication method. Last week a supermassive black hole of uniform atrocity ate both Cincy and Houston. So excepting New-Cleveland triumphing over Old-Baltimore in the battle of dirty, no-good, team thieves, last week's predictions went 2-for-3 (and that ain't bad). That said, its on to...

AFC DIVISIONAL GAME # 1

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Last week, Indy's uniforms reigned supreme over the dirty birds (Their team? Not so much). This week then finds Colt Blue facing Bronco Orange. When Denver introduced its new uni set in the 90's, its modern design represented a complete departure from the norm. The convening years, however, have seen a number of teams ape the Brocs with varying degrees of success (YAY!-Seattle; BOO!-Cincinnati). The once-revolutionary design now seems ho-hum. That and Denver's garish orange color are why I say Indy has the better uniform.

Coming Soon...

Only 34 days until pitchers and catchers report...

That's a clown game, bro.

Yes, the header is correct. And no, I haven't sustained any (serious) brain damage. This entry into our 8-Bit Encyclopaedia intends to elucidate a NES game about McDonalds and their eponymous Clown Mascot.

Developed by Virgin Interactive and released Stateside in February 1992, M.C. Kids (titled "McDonaldland" in Europe) follows two kids--Mick and Mack--as they try to retrieve Ronald McDonald's stolen magical bag.


Seeing only screenshots like the one to the left, most dismissed the title as shill for hamburgers and french fries. Honestly, it's hard to fault this snap judgement; M.C. Kids, like so many product tie-in games (I'm looking at you Barbie and Muppets), looks cheap. The sprites, shown in the header above, are monochromatic and blocky compared to Mario and Luigi. And McDonald's golden arches are literally on every screen of the game.

Much better, right?

These first impressions are a shame, because M.C. Kids stands alongside Super Mario Bros. 3 as the pinnacle of platform gaming on the NES. So I propose we re-brand the game and scrub away every last trace of McDonald's grease. Instead of M.C. Kids, let's call it Magic Kids. Instead of running through McDonaldland at the behest of Ronald McDonald, let's say Nick and Will are questing through Magic Land to help Walter Wizard regain his stolen Magic Bag from the sly Dragon. Much more palatable, no?

So. Let's hit the reset button...

The 2013 NFL (Uniform) Playoffs - Wild Card Round

AFC WILD CARD # 1

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Ugh. Cincinnati's set is the definition of 'costume-ish.' The clown getup seemed apropos when Ochocinco and TO patrolled the sidelines, but it now seems dated. Gradated white/orange/black leg stripes and garish shoulder yokes ice this craptacular cake. The Houston Texans' uniforms, on the other hand, look like a Chinese knock-off of the Patriots uniforms. They're boring to the nth degree, having all the flavor of cold gruel. No winner here, only losers.