Battle Kid: Fortress of Peril is, simply put, the most difficult game ever produced for the Nintendo Entertainment System. For those unfamiliar with Battle Kid, let me cast some light by showing it's title screen:

Still unsure what sets Battle Kid apart from every other NES title? Let me channel my inner CSI: "Zoom and Enhance!"

That's right, Sivak Games developed Battle Kid and released it for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 2010, a full 15 years after the previous NES release.  The plot is intentionally thin to the point of non-existence: our protagonist (Timmy) must venture into the Fortress of Peril to disengage a 'supermech' machine and stop a group of shadowy ne'er-do-wells.

When Battle Kid declares itself a Fortress of Peril,  the game isn't effing around. Modeled after the PC Freeware Game I Wanna Be the Guy, Battle Kid is an S&M Fetish of a  game: designed to be intentionally painful and difficult. Gameplay most closely resembles Metroid--with a large open world to explore and very little prompting--except Timmy's suit of armor--as opposed to Samus'--is quite porous. Spikes kill Timmy. Aliens kill Timmy. Blobs kill Timmy. Plants kill Timmy. Fish kill Timmy. Even limes and lemons kill Timmy (yes, lemons). It's 1-hit death from start to finish. Here's a small taste of Battle Kid's Horror:

When I said my quest to become

MOST ULTIMATE POTENTATE OF THE NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM™

would follow as I (woefully) tried to defeat the ten hardest titles for the NES, I was telling a half-truth. What I failed to mention at the outset was my Ten Hardest NES Games of All Time is ten like the B1G TEN (meaning there's actually 12).Two games garnered almost as many votes for difficulty as votes for crapiness, earning them a place near the list despite being almost universally reviled.

It's "Enteractive."

The first of those two games—and the first in my quest for NES supremacy—is Karate Kid. Developed by a team of LSD-fueled monkeys Altus, Co. and released by LJN in 1987, Karate Kid is a grab-bag of disparate plot elements loosely based on the film franchise of the same name. There's a Karate Tournament, some wind and a Guy with a Spear.

Now, I could spend a few paragraphs decrying the construction of this game: awkward hit direction, bad jump physics, A.I. on par with spore mold, but others have said it better. I'll just say the game is poorly made, which, ironically, makes it both incredibly difficult and mind-numbingly easy.

Stop running into my foot.
Stop running into my foot...

LEVEL 1:
Case in point: our first level is a karate tournament. The Neanderthal A.I.'s strategy is to run full-bore at you, even when your foot is in their face. So, if a dude gets near you, just ask yourself, WWCND (What Would Chuck Norris Do?)? The answer—kick that sumbitch in the face. The A.I. remains painfully stupid from the first baddie to the very last, so if ANYONE gets near you, kick him right in his stupid face. What's that? You said you want to use a hammer punch or crane-kick (your practically useless power-up moves)? Nope—kick him in the face. You want to Sweep the Leg? False—just kick him in the face, idiot.

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