Keith is Good!: Tecmo Browns

RGIII DISCOVERS HIS FARTS ARE INDEED MADE OF MAGIC
MEANWHILE; CLEVELAND FINALLY REMEMBERS THEY'RE CLEVELAND.

16 Dec 2012
Cleveland, OH

After a hiatus in no way related to a certain fictional sportswriter's increased freelance writing load, the Tecmo Browns return for Week 15 action against the Washington [Slightly Offensive Racial Stereotypes]. Apparently such hiatuses (hiatusi?) work like Super Mario's Invincibility Stars; providing initial speed and strength against the goombas and then saying "eff all" when the Hammer Bros. show up. Joe Haden picked off RG III on the second play from scrimmage and T-Rich followed with a bruising, 15 yard TD run.

This invincibility quickly faded. The [Slightly Offensive Racial Stereotypes] followed with a 90-yard RGIII to Santana Moss TD pass, tying the score. A Brandon Jackson fumble on the next drive led to seven more [Slightly Offensive Racial Stereotypes] points, courtesy of a Roy Helu run. To the Browns' credit, they held their ground. After trading INTs, the Browns mounted an 80 yard TD drive. With equal parts Richardson and Weeden, the Browns tied the score going into halftime.

The second half was an unmitigated disaster. Plagued by fumbles and interceptions, the offense couldn't stay on the field long enough to make a difference. The [Slightly Offensive Racial Stereotypes], on the other hand, hit an extra gear. A late 3rd Quarter TD catch by Pierre "Suck my Cedilla" Garçon put the [Slightly Offensive Racial Stereotypes] up by 10.

The 4th Quarter brought panic. Necessity dictated trick plays on 4th and long. Safetys, short-fielded TD's; RGIII, recalling his days at the Hogwarts Acadamey of Witchcraft and Wizardry, flew on his broom and turned the blowout into a Qidditch match.

GAMEBALL

Joe Haden set a nice tempo with his first quarter interception. We'll just imagine the rest of the game never happened.