Tecmo Browns - Week 2

So the Browns week one game (both the Tecmo and NFL versions) stung a little, losing to the Eagles in heartbreaking fashion*. But week two offers the promise of a Cincinnati team reeling after being taken to the woodshed by Baltimore. And right off the bat, it's good news for Brownie Nation:

Apparently he was just verklempt over
the Brown's pitiful Week 1 Offense

QUICK STRATEGY ASIDE: Against the Bengal's thin D-Line, the Tecmo Browns would be smart to play smashmouth with Trent Richardson. A few beast runs and the passing lanes should open wider than a hooker's... well, you get it.


INSTEAD, after a Bengals three-and-out, Shurmur calls an Owen Marecic dive. No gain. Weeden (spoiler alert!) throws a pick on the next play. After swapping three-and-outs, the Begnals close out the first with a 40 yard strike from Andy Dalton to Brandon Tate, putting them on the Brown's 10.

END OF FIRST QUARTER:

BROWNS: 0 BENGALS: 0

After a questionable end-around and an even-questionabler QB sneak, the Cincinnasty Ben-Gals call up a BenJarvus Green-Ellis TD run.

And here I thought it was impossible
to hate the Patriots any more.

A quick three-and-out (and ANOTHER Marecic run) returns what is quickly becoming the Bengal's football. Another Dalton-to-Tate strike makes more points seem inevitable, but a beautiful, diving T.J. Ward interception keeps the Bengals at bay.

Yeah! That's right, 'Change Sides' Boyyeeee!

And FINALLY, the Browns offense gets it going. Trent finds his holes! Weeden completes passes to men in Cleveland uniforms! Dogs and cats living together in harmony! Unfortunately the second quarter ticks away before Cleveland can even reach field goal range.

HALFTIME:

BROWNS: 0 BENGALS: 7

What these stats fail to show is Owen
Marecic's six carries for -5 yards.

The Brownies, gifted the ball to open the second half, do like an old man with a leaky catheter and piss down their leg. Reggie Hodges' right leg is probably getting pretty sore.

MVP?

A decent runback puts Cincinnasty on the 50. After three plays and three yards, they call up Mike "Stranglehold" Nugent, who boots an impressive 57-yard field goal. At least someone from the Buckeye State is enjoying success.

"Got you in a stranglehold, baby,
Then I crushed your face!"

Cribbs takes the kickoff and, wending through a swarm of diving defenders, blasts ahead to the 30 yard line, the Browns best starting field position yet. Weeden is promptly sacked, and despite a decent run by T-Rich, the Brownies punt. Again. Someone call Reggie Hodges' agent--that man deserves a raise.

END OF THIRD QUARTER

BROWNS: 0 BENGALS: 10

Well, glass half-full--ten points in one quarter is at least possible, right? Right? Bueller? Bueller? 17 points, however, is not so likely. An A.J. Green end-around puts the Bengals on the Browns' 35 and (another!) Dalton-to-Tate pass puts 7 more on the board.

Crap.

Needing to score quickly, the Browns line up in shotgun on the following play... and hand off to Owen Marecic. No Gain. Someone gives Shurmur the passing memo, though, because the next three plays are all of the passing variety. Completions to Marecic, Massaquoi and a leaping TD grab by Greg Little get the Brownies off the schnide.

Little climbs the ladder.

But instead of an onside kick, the Browns decide to kick deep. In the end, it matters little because two plays later Dalton unleashes an 80 yard bomb to A.J. Green for another Bengals TD. Someone cue the Price is Right overbid music.

FINAL SCORE

BROWNS: 7 BENGALS: 24

Disappointing. Excepting a handful of big plays by the Bengals Offense, both teams played pretty much the same game. Losing teams, as the old saying goes, find ways to lose, and that's exactly what the Brownies did here.

GAMEBALL

Matched against A.J. Green for most of the game, T.J. Ward held the Bengal's star reciever to only one catch, and that coming in the Fourth with the game already sealed. Not to mention...

BROWNS HIGHLIGHT

In a close game, Ward makes one hell of a diving interception to keep Cincy out of the endzone.

Not much to rah-rah about after this one. Hopefully we get the Bills D that got torched for 48 points rather than the beasts they're supposed to be. After that, it only gets harder (that's what she said).


*I submit that henceforth all Browns losses shall be deemed 'heartbreaking.'