Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Packers Sign Norris

Chuck Norris Fact # 7825:
Chuck Norris invented the
forward pass... in 1823!

Keith is Good! Sports!
23 September 2009
Green Bay, WI

In preparation for their upcoming Monday Night Football game against former-Packer Brett Favre and his rival Minnesota Vikings, Green Bay have signed Chuck Norris to a one-game contract.

"We aim to put the best team on the field," said Packers coach Mike McCarthy. "We love Brett Favre for what he did in his many seasons in Green Bay, but we have to balance that against our desire to see him badly dismembered."

The move originated earlier this week after Packers' GM Ted Thompson scoured the
internet for "awesome secret weapons" to use against Favre's Vikings.

"Chuck Norris' skill set is amazing!" said Thompson. "Did you know he can Photosynthesize light but prefers supping on the flesh of freshly-killed prey? He can also run fast enough to reverse Earth's rotational inertia but chooses not to because he doesn't want to seem 'braggy.' I found a whole website listing his resume point by point. After the first page of facts, I was sold."

The only sticking point seems to be a clause in Mr. Norris' contract which requires he wear uniform number 4.69 x 10^89
, so as to accurately represent his strength relative to the other players on the field. As NFL uniforms are by rule numbered 1-99, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell must sign off before Norris' contract is finalized.

The Packers remain confident the contract will ultimately be accepted and Norris' addition will ensure the defeat of their former QB come Monday, Oct. 5th.

"I mean, his gaze can spontaneously combust woodland mammals and ionize hydrogen," said
Packers linebacker AJ Hawk. "Unless the Vikings Offensive Tackle is Bruce Lee from "Way of the Dragon," I think Chuck is a lock for at least sixty-eight sacks."

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