New Music Review

by Billy Jennings (age 8 1/2)

Oh my gosh! I think my brains are going to esplode! The Juvey Court judge said that Greg needed some "positive outlet" for his energy so mom and dad bought him a drum set! What a bunch of hooey! Anyway, Greg's been pounding on those drums 24-7 and I think I am insane.

Last night I was watching cartoons and couldn't hear a darn thing! First Greg was thump thump thump on the drums and then he had his music soooooo loud! I didn't want to listen to it but it was so loud all I could hear was a high-voiced girl singing about wookies. So I walked right into his room and said you turn that music down or I'll tell mom and dad, but Greg couldn't hear so I went over and started banging on his drums too! He whacked me in the head with his stick and said what the eff, Billy? and I said I can't hear my cartoons so turn off that lady music!

Greg looked real surprised then. He shouted this is rush, dill-weed! And I said rush what? and he knocked me with his stick and said bow before the god of drums kneel pert! It didn't make much sense because the god of drums was singing in a lady voice, and anyway I don't remember Preacher Robert saying anything about no drum god in sunday school (maybe Greg's drum god is cousins with the holy ghost?). But I didn't want to get whacked with those sticks anymore, so I just stood there and listened to that girl sing about being a wookie man, which was real confusing cause she didn't sound like a wookie or a man. Greg started beating the air with his sticks which looked kind of funny but at least he wasn't hitting those awful drums!

Then all of a sudden the music stopped and there was just drumming and Greg started to shimmy in his seat the same way Grammy does on account of her tremors. I guess it sounded okay, all those drums, but without nobody singing I got bored and left. Greg just kept on hitting those drumsticks against nothing but air, nodding his head like mad.

It's no fair. Greg gets in trouble and they buy him drums. Maybe if I steal some bikini DVDs from the Wal-Mart, mom and dad will buy me a playstation.