Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A.V. Club Reveals Man’s Awful Taste in Music.

Gary, IN
28 Sept, 2011

If you like this CD, The Onion hates you.

For some, epiphany comes in the dense silence of church. For others, ultimate realization whispers among the Rocky Mountain pines. For Charly Green, 32, epiphany came yesterday afternoon, in the hallway outside his basement apartment.

 “I locked myself out,” Charly grins, “and I was waiting for the super. To kill time I surfed the Onion’s A.V. Club. They had an article about the best music of 1993, and—bam!—epiphany."

Green expected treatises on Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Green Day; instead he found rants on Sugar, Screeching Weasel  and J Church. At that moment, approximately 2:34 p.m., Charly realized his wretched taste in music. Spin Doctors, who had previously inhabited a soft place in Charly’s heart, were likened to a black hole destroying all things good.

“I used to jam ‘Little Miss Can’t be Wrong’ in my car,” Green says in his staccato drawl, “thank God the A.V. Club showed me the error of my ways.”

After reading about Digable Planets, Ben Weasel, Superchunk, Seaweed, et. al, Green came to an inevitable realization:

“All my favorite music sucks.”

As penance for his auditory sins, Green is currently trudging through Yo La Tengo’s entire discography. “I’m just glad it happened when it did,” Green sighs. “I mean, I could have gone my whole life listening to the crappy music I liked.” Green takes a long breath as his mp3 player switches to a Sunny Day Real Estate EP. “I shudder at the thought.”

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