Gary, IN
28 Sept, 2011
 |
| If you like this CD, The Onion hates you. |
For some, epiphany comes in the dense silence of church. For others, ultimate realization whispers among the Rocky Mountain pines. For Charly Green, 32, epiphany came yesterday afternoon, in the hallway outside his basement apartment.
“I locked myself out,” Charly grins, “and I was
waiting for the super. To kill time I surfed the Onion’s A.V. Club. They had an
article about the best music of 1993, and—bam!—epiphany."
Green expected treatises on
Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Green Day; instead he found rants on Sugar, Screeching
Weasel and J Church. At that moment,
approximately 2:34 p.m., Charly realized his wretched taste in music. Spin
Doctors, who had previously inhabited a soft place in Charly’s heart, were
likened to a black hole destroying all things good.
“I used to jam ‘Little Miss Can’t
be Wrong’ in my car,” Green says in his staccato drawl, “thank God the A.V.
Club showed me the error of my ways.”
After reading about Digable
Planets, Ben Weasel, Superchunk, Seaweed, et. al, Green came to an inevitable
realization:
“All my favorite music sucks.”
As penance for his auditory sins,
Green is currently trudging through Yo La Tengo’s entire discography. “I’m just
glad it happened when it did,” Green sighs. “I mean, I could have gone my whole
life listening to the crappy music I liked.” Green takes a long breath as his mp3
player switches to a Sunny Day Real Estate EP. “I shudder at the thought.”
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