The following exchange is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (read: ignorant). The author would also like to note that despite the timbre of the below exchange, he is not, in fact, a nose-in-the-air, bleeding heart elitist.
Date: The evening after election day, wherein a local school levy was roundly defeated.
Place: A Public Library
A LIBRARY ASSISTANT SITS AT THE REFERENCE DESK, AWAITING ANY PATRON INTERACTION TO BREAK THE SPELL OF DESOLATION AND DESPAIR. A MIDDLE-SCHOOL AGED GIRL APPROACHES, SHUFFLING FEET AND QUIET DREAD ON HER FACE.
LIBRARY ASSISTANT (LA): Evening! How may I help you?
GIRL: [shifting from foot to foot] Um, what's the capital of Minnesota?
LA: The capital of...hm, I think it's Minneapolis.
GIRL: Mini-a-pol-is?
LA: I think...wait, let me Google it just to be sure [flurry of keystrokes]...ah, my bad, its St. Paul.
GIRL: Saint Paul?
LA: Yeah...seems I picked the wrong twin city. Close enough, right?
GIRL: Twin what?
LA: Minneapolis and St. Paul are so close together, they're called the twin cities.
[UNCOMFORTABLE BEAT]
GIRL: So the capital of Minnesota is....
LA:...St. Paul.
GIRL: Does it snow there?
LA: [slight disbelief] Does it snow in St. Paul?
GIRL: Does it snow there.
LA: Ahh...sure. Yeah... I mean, that's pretty far north, so they get some snow during the colder months.
GIRL: So the capital of Minnesota gets snow.
LA: Yes.
GIRL: Okay.
[BEAT]
GIRL: Now, what country is that in?
LA: [obvious double take] Uhh, pardon?
GIRL: What country is that in?
LA: What country is Minnesota in?
GIRL: [annoyed] yeah.
LA: Its...ahhh...its a state in the United States.
GIRL: State?
LA: Uhh...yes, its a part of our country, The United States.
GIRL: Its not...like...its own country?
LA: No, no...its one of the smaller parts of the country we live in, one of the 50 states in the United States. Like we Live in Ohio, that's a state. Another state is Minnesota.
[GIRL TURNS ON HER HEEL AND BRISKLY WALKS AWAY]
LA: Huh...
[BEAT. 10 PACES AHEAD, GIRL SPINS ABOUT FACE AGAIN AND TROTS BACK TO DESK]
GIRL: What country gets snow?
LA: Well, lots of countries get snow --
GIRL: I have to do a report on a country and its weather and snow.
LA: Well --
GIRL: Does Ireland get snow?
LA: Ahhh, sometimes...I mean, not alot. Ireland has oceanic currents keeping it --
GIRL: Show me a country that gets snow.
[LA REACHES UNDER DESK AND PULLS OUT A LARGE ATLAS. HE QUICKLY LEAVES TO A 2 PAGE SPREAD SHOWING A MERCATOR PROJECTION OF EARTH]
LA: See here, this line [POINTS TO 40TH PARALLEL], this is the 40th Parallel, and any country above the 40th Parallel is bound to get some snow.
GIRL: Parallel? [POINTS TO ENGLAND] Do they get snow?
LA: Well, again, they get some, but England is warmed by oceanic currents, so the air doesn't get quite as --
GIRL: Well then who gets snow?
LA: Like I said, any country above this line [traces 40th parallel again] will get snow, except smaller islands.
[BEAT. GIRL TAPS TOES. LA SMILES, DEFENSIVELY. GIRL HARUMPHS AND CROSSES ARMS OVER CHEST.]
LA: [SIGHS] Ok. Russia. Just do your report on Russia.
GIRL: That's a country?
LA: yes, a very very cold country that gets lots of snow.
[GIRL SPINS ON HER HEELS AND STRIDES AWAY.]
LA: [tiny voice] You're welcome; have a nice evening.
This has been another gripping episode of:
Tales of Hope and Despair from a Public Library
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