Friday, January 16, 2009

From the Keith is Good Archive...

Note to reader(s?): With our president on his way out of the office, we've dialed the Wayback Machine to February 13, 2007. Here, our dillegent reporter passed word of the Dixie Chicks sweeping all major categores at the previous evening's grammy's, mostly due to their anti-bush ditty, "Not Ready to Make Nice."


Dixie Chicks Lauded for Majority Opinion.
Breaking News by Keith Good

Last night in Los Angeles, The Dixie Chicks were rewarded for having political opinions championed by sixty-five percent of America. The Texas trio (see inset) won their weight in tiny gold record-players at the Forty-Ninth Annual Grammy Awards; including Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Country Record of the Year, Trio of the Year, Hairstyle of the Year, Group with Two Stick-Skinny Birds and a Kind of Cubby Broad of the Year, Best Metal Performance Whilst Opening for Metallica and Best Norwegian Dance Act. Said the band’s singer Natalie Maines, “I’m kind of bumming that these little things aren’t made of chocolate. Sting told me they were chocolate on the inside.”

The inspiration for their award winning record came when Maines voiced contrary opinions on President Bush and the war in Iraq, which as it now turns out, two-thirds of the country wholly agrees with. In a post-ceremony interview, Maines expounded on her quasi-controversial comments. “Really, I was trying to say that I’m ashamed Bush owned the Texas Rangers. I mean have you seem them? They’re terrible. They traded A-Rod to the Yankees. The Yankees. And when they Yankees win, the terrorists also win.”

Hollywood quickly took note of this correlation between Bush-Bashing and award winning. In a press conference held at four-thirty this morning, acclaimed and Oscar shut-out Director Martin Scorsese announced “George Bush is a doody head.” Vegas now has Scorsese’s odds at getting his statuette at two to one for. Not to be outdone, Clint Eastwood quickly shot back with “I heard [Bush] likes dudes.”

Such rhetoric has trickled all the way to Washington, where President Bush himself, in attempt to sway a Democratic congress to fund his Iraqi troop surge, said: “I’m…you know…heh…kind of a…heh…nard-face.”

The Dixie Chicks, between gaping facefuls of oats and carrot sticks, assured me their forthcoming album will be even bigger and better than the current Grammy-Winning Disc. Emily Robinson, one of the stick thin ones, mentioned a few prospective album titles, “George Bush eats poo,” “W is a Douche Sack,” and the searing “Bush is not so great at foreign relations and really has let the whole situation with Iran and North Korea get a bit out of hand considering their nuclear capabilities and what not.” This author is waiting with bated breath.

No comments:

Post a Comment