PLEA BARGAIN
"This is twice, Dalkowski," the Judge said, "that you've called me on off-hours. This better be good." Robe zipped, Highley harrumphed and sat.
Alex stood from her spot in the gallery, announcing, "This is very important, your honor."
"I wasn't asking for a response, Detective." The judge frowned at the small assemblage in his retro-futurist courtroom: The Irregulars, Milo their lawyer, Alex, DA DA, Brent the pasty Bailiff and a mousy court reporter. The low lights cast deep, gashing shadows over their faces. The Irregulars, already exhausted from panic and shock, stared ahead with the empty-eyes of the walking dead.
The Judge shook his ancient head and sighed. "Sit already. And Brent, can we get some lights in here? I could give a damn less about carbon footprints… I can hardly see counsel sitting in front of me." Highley scanned his summary as Brent the Bailiff shot off toward the courtroom's back wall.
"You," the Judge pointed righteous indignation to Irregulars. "You made me look foolish for putting you out on bail. And now bringing a murder to my courtroom…"
Milo stood. His cow-licked hair and raisin-wrinkled suit suggested he'd been very recently sleeping. "Miss Leslie is still alive, your honor. It's not murder."
A shade passed over the Judge's face. Strain clenched his jaw, bobbed his moustaches. "What?"
"She's alive. And really, it's beside the point, Your Honor," Milo said. "My clients are innocent. This is a rather unfortunate case of wrong place wrong time. Mrs. Byrne—"
"Adnan-Byrne," Kavi groaned.
"—Received a text claiming to be from Miss Leslie requesting they meet. Luckily, they arrived early, saw the actual assailant, a brutish large man in a leather—"
"I'm going to stop you there, counselor," the judge waved Milo off without looking. "Your argument started dumb and got worse. Kavi literally has blood on her hands."
"Your honor, as yet we only have circumstance—"
"Quiet!" The Judge stood from his chair, gavel slamming. "I won't hear that circumstance rabble again. Quiet or I'll be forced to hold you all in contempt." A tense quiet fell. It was the sound of held tongues, heaving breaths restrained. Satisfied, the Judge swiveled to the prosecution table. "DA?"
DA DA, after a quick hair adjustment, stood and cleared his throat. His skin glowed even in low light. Combined with his capped teeth, DA DA seemed a deep-sea fish, his phosphorescent skin luring prey. "It would be rude to remind Your Honor of the recommendations made the last time we assembled. Instead, I will simply say given the bizarre crimes, evidence gathered and escalation of violence… Miss Leslie's tenacity and vitality shouldn't be a tick in the defendants' favor. It's the people's recommendation that the accused be imprisoned for the duration of their trial, where we have the personnel to properly segregate them."
An explosion boomed behind them, its concussion wave clenching chests. Police Chief Hardcastle stormed up the center aisle. Uncharacteristic wrinkles creased his plaid shirt and jeans.
"What did you do to her?" Spittle flung from his lips. He took great, booming steps, his fists clenched to papery paleness.
"Chief Hardcastle!" Judge Highley slammed his gavel to the desk. "This is my courtroom, and I'll ask you to refrain from such outbursts!"
Chief Hardcastle stormed on. The Judge spoke from a far, unreachable dimension. He reached the rail, swiped Kavi's collar.
"What did you do? Tell me?" Hardcastle shook Kavi like a rag doll, her head rolling around with each shove.
"I…," Kavi struggled to speak. "It wasn't us. We didn't do it. I saved her. I cut her down."
"Chief," Alex grasped Hardcastle's forearms, trying to pry his grip from Kavi. "Stop, you don't want to do this."
"Brent!" Judge Highley pointed his gavel. "Escort the Police Chief from my courtroom! You are in contempt, sir!"
"This is a witch hunt, your honor," Harris shot from his chair, chains jangling. "Did you know Police Chief Hardcastle is having a sex affair with Miss Leslie? And Arthur Kite has been lying the whole time! We saw the assailant leave! Arthur knew his name, called him Bernard! Arthur and Hardcastle are more suspect than Kavi or I!"
"I swear to you…" Chief Hardcastle snarled. Seeing Brent approach, hand on sidearm, Hardcastle released Kavi. "If I find out you had anything to do with this…God as my witness, I will kill you."
Brent placed an unsteady, nervous hand on Hardcastle's shoulder. "Sir, I think it's best if..."
Hardcastle shrugged back. "Tell me where to send my contempt check."
Highley fell back to his chair as Hardcastle stomped from the room. The Judge reclined, moustaches twirling around his finger. His face drained of color, white to match his stubble. "That's about enough excitement for one lifetime." The late hour sharpened the gravel in his voice. "While my gut tells me you three couldn't plan a meal let alone orchestrate two intricate crimes—"
"Thank you," Harris nodded.
"Interrupt again and I'll castrate you, Kagan." Judge Highley took his gavel and stood. "I hereby revoke bail for the accused and remand them to county lockup for the duration of their trial. Adjourned." He brought the hammer down with booming authority and jumped from the bench, robe again unzipped. "C'mon, Brent," he pulled at the Bailiff's tie, "I need a stiff drink."
"Wait!" Milo shot from his chair and jogged to the bench. "You're not being fair! Why would Kavi cut Miss Leslie down if murder was the goal? You're not making any sense, Judge. You yourself said they're too inept for crime!"
"A thousand more to the legal defense fund courtesy of Mr. Penhale." Highley spoke without so much as glancing Milo's way. He slouched on toward his chambers, determined to reach the darkness, robe already slunk from his frayed sweatshirt. "And if those buffoons don't want to go to jail, then they shouldn't keep showing up at crime scenes with blood on their hands."
A deep, sinking finality smothered the Irregulars as Judge Highley closed chamber doors behind him.
The Irregulars—even Harris—felt the last dregs of strength sucked from their muscles. They tried to resist the monster drawing them into the abyss but found their bodies heavy and useless. They moved like marionettes against the guiding hands of police escort, heads lolling and limbs slack.
Harris turned to Alex as they passed. "The Complete Sherlock Holmes," he spoke through a shaking stutter. His lips could hardly manage the words. "Please. If you ever… if… I need my Complete Sherlock Holmes. The leather copy."
Alex stood firm, arms over chest. "We'll see."
DA DA stood shoulder to shoulder with Milo, sure to speak loud enough so his clients could hear. "There's a plea bargain as long as Leslie lives, which won't be long: I'll offer conspiracy for the first to confess and murder for the other two.
"Oh, and do be careful with your BM's, Kagan," DA DA called as the Irregulars slouched from the courtroom. "Plumbing hasn't been updated in county pen since they built the place. The prisoners call it 'chocolate rain' when you flush. Enjoy!"
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