Friday, October 21, 2011

NBA Threatens to Cancel Less Games

21 Oct 2011
Spoke to us while stroking a white cat.
New York, NY

With Labor negotiations at an impasse, NBA Commissioner David Stern canceled the first two weeks of the 2011-12 NBA season this past Monday. Announced during Baseball's Playoffs, NFL and NCAA Football, and the opening of NHL Hockey's 2011 Season, the only coverage given to the NBA's lockout has been a 50 pixel box on a Chinese website sandwiched between two Penis Enlargement ads.

"Wait... the NBA plays games in November?" Alice Miggs, a sanitation worker with the City of New York and die-hard Nets fan, took the news with wide eyes. "Why would they even play games in November to begin with?"

With backlash ranging from nonexistent to pleasantly surprised, Commissioner Stern has decided to ratchet up the pressure:

"If the Labor Union won't meet us halfway...we'll... We'll be forced to cancel less games!"

The Horror. Considering the NBA season should only be 50 games anyway, the threat of a full 82 game schedule is the sporting equivalent of being simultaneously waterboarded and Rick Rolled.

"Think about it," Stern says through a sneer. "Do you really want to watch Cleveland and Minnesota in November?"

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